YOUR AUTISTIC SUPERPOWER!

Did you know that Autistic people have superpowers? Well, apparently we do. I don’t mean we can fly (YET, although we flap), have X-Ray vision, or can command the power of lapwings with our mighty lapwing power. I mean most of us have freaky weird sensitivities.

For instance, I can smell cigarette smoke lit in an apartment three doors away or 100 yards across the lawn. I can hear the hum of electricity coming from appliances. I can hear a car passing two buildings away. I can spout out little known historical facts, thereby at one time discovering peoples’ general interest in history (not high) AND a cure for insomnia!

SUPERPOWERS!

Like this but with math or something

So like any superpower, there are weaknesses. I can smell cigarette smoke but I can’t shake the smell. The drone of electricity is distracting, so much so that I have to have some kind of noise around me to drown it out. I can hear things far away but I need subtitles on videos because if they’re not on, I can’t hear it.

Pictured: What?

Adding to the fun is the way our minds apparently “jump” This makes for some troublesome discussions with puny humans neurotypical people. For example.

NT: This is a delicious roast. What do you think?

Autist: I like swords

If you saw what happened there, congratulations! Your fidget spinner is now in the mail.

If you have no idea what just happened, here’s a look under the hood:

  1. “Delicious roast”
  2. Pot roast
  3. Pottery
  4. Ancient pottery
  5. Archaeology
  6. Archaeological dig
  7. Ancient city burned to the ground
  8. Invaders at the gates!
  9. Make weapons
  10. Blacksmith
  11. Swords
  12. “I like swords”

This has happened by the time the last word of the neurotypical’s sentence is out of their mouth. That’s another superpower, but I have no idea what it would be called. Here are some options:

  • Superweird
  • Super-random…ness…ness
  • Superthinkingbrain
  • Superjumptotheweirdestfreakingconclusionspossible
  • SuperamItakingthistoofar
  • Superyesprobablyletsmoveon?

Sorry, I got lost there (superlost.) Maybe this is like superspeed if that power was limited to running in tight, concentric circles. If you have decided on one of these options, or if you have a better option on what to name this phenomena, write it down on a 3″x5″ index card, add your name, address, shoe size, and favorite pope, and bury it 3.5 feet deep one-hundred paces from your back door.

Then go back inside and think about what you choose to do with your time.

Anyway, all this nonsense behind the curtain is why people think that Autistic people come up with different ways of thinking. We do. It’s just perhaps not the way of thinking neurotypicals want. But this is normal to us and frustrating when people don’t get the connection.

And the flapping. Let’s not forget the flapping.

Oh, let’s not neglect the nervous tics, not being able to look people in the eyes, being utterly bewildered by the social contact that we never signed, stimming, getting ideas stuck permanently in our heads, and the fact that each and every one of us is also The Hulk.

Pictured: Minor Meltdown

Now onto the question that must be bouncing around in your mind: will I use these powers for good or awesome?

DEFINITELY for awesome!

GenCon 2016 – Day TWO (Three)

You know how armies have consistently throughout history prepared for the previous war? I consistently prepare myself for my previous mistake. The upshot is that I live in perpetual fear that I have forgotten something extremely important, but not so important that I would remember it.

The upshotted upshot is that if I knew how to sew my lanyard onto my clothes, I would have.

Welcome to GenCon 2016, Saturday Edition – Day Two (for me)

Continue reading “GenCon 2016 – Day TWO (Three)”

In Memoriam…

By now, everyone knows that Prince died. This is terribly sad, but this is not what really got to me.

On Thursday night, Michelle McNamara died.

Michelle Eileen McNamara was a true crime writer, creator of the True Crime Diary website, and wife to the comedian Patton Oswalt. She died in her sleep. She was only 46 years old. She left behind her husband and their seven-year-old daughter Alice.

Continue reading “In Memoriam…”